Fucking Gerbil Still Alive

Troy, Michigan

Sources confirmed earlier today that Burrower, the fucking gerbil, purchased as a family pet more than four years ago, is indeed still alive.

In spite of all available statistical information, Burrower, the Bousho family gerbil, has managed to sustain enough caloric intake, healthy activity, and hydration to maintain a robust and active lifestyle unlike his sibling brother, Snowy, who kicked the bucket last summer.

Normally gerbils have an expected life-span of three years with some internet sources reporting elderly gerbils maintaining complete functionality into year four. Burrower, with no signs of tumor, stroke, or general ill-health, is working on year five.

As social creatures, most human family members expected that Burrower would pass rather quickly after brother Snowy left for the ethereal light of eternity in the summer of 2014. But even after three episodes of apparent stroke like distress, long tail erect sticking from the cedar chip bedding, Burrower brushed aside death and went about spinning in his blue and white plastic exercise wheel.

At post time, Dan was seen headed to the local pet store to retrieve another bag of Gerbil food and cedar chip bedding.

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